All the cliches are true. You will be in love at first sight. She is a bouncing bundle of joy. Your life is forever changed. Not to mention the sleep deprivation and 2 AM feedings. And the emotions are very intense, and you feel almost every emotion there is to feel, and really there is no way to adequately express in words your love for your child. Your heart swells with love and pride, you are fascinated and obsessed with her, you are protective, concerned for her well-being and terrified for her safety.
We spent two nights in the hospital, it was nice to be able to focus on getting to know and care for baby, and try to rest some myself, and not be bothered with cooking or cleaning. We put her in the nursery at night and they brought her to us every 3 hours for breastfeeding. Even though I always thought I would want to "room-in" with baby, this was an easy decision to make. I felt secure knowing she was watched while I could sleep, otherwise I would have felt responsible for her safety and probably would have stayed awake to make sure she was still breathing. Between the feedings, and my nurse, and her nurse checking on us throughout the night, there is really not that much sleep to be had.
She was a little jaundiced, which is so common there is actually normal and abnormal jaundice. By the time of discharge, she had not pooped in a day or two, and they really wanted her to do so by the next day, or I would need to call the doctor. She needs to poop to get the jaundice (toxins) out.
The top priority postpartum is frequent "breastfeedings," even though it is just colostrum for several days. They say babies will lose about 10% of their birthweight in those first few days, but they have reserves. She had lost 9% when we were discharged from hospital, birth weight 6 lbs 14 oz, down to 6 lbs 3 oz. She was too sleepy to eat enough. There were 3 factors making her sleepy: "sleepy newborn" because they are recovering from the birth, jaundice makes them sleepy, and even though she was full-term, the new definition is "late pre-term," she was still on the early side and too young to be awake and eating enough.
It could take up to an hour to breastfeed her, and then I would burp her and change her diaper which could take another 30 minutes or so. And if she is feeding every 2-3hours, or even every hour, that is a non-stop job, literally. And sometimes she would reawaken and want to feed some more. There was no time for me to shower, eat, or do anything else. My dearest mom, who spent the first postpartum week with us, would bring food to me in the nursery. She cooked, cleaned the house, offered moral support and advice, directed the meals since friends and neighbors were bringing meals over for us. My mom underestimates how helpful she has been to us, DH and I feel strongly that her support and assistance were invaluable. Can she please stay longer?? :)
I dutifully put baby to my breasts and endured the pain of figuring out how to latch on, etc. My nipples got cracked. We met with a lactation consultant each day we were in the hospital, they were quite helpful, but still, I was in a lot of pain. Going home and attempting to feed her regularly, in pain I would sometimes cry, and baby was crying fiercely, screaming through the night, because she was still not getting enough to eat. Although I did not know that at the time, I was confused and at a loss about what was going on or how to comfort her. During this period of waiting for my milk to come in and baby becoming more alert and hungry, was a very emotionally painful time. I was also distressed because I had not seen any poop and could not figure out if a darker yellow shade in her diaper was poop or not. My mom said it was. She needed to eat in order to poop, I felt so horribly responsible for all this. I was feeling like an inadequate and incompetent mother, couldn't provide her with what she needs or even tell if she was pooping or not! I cried almost every day. Mostly I was just scared for her, I was trying to keep her alive. And she got sleepier again and was not eating. It was frustrating. DH and I were so worried. DH kept encouraging me, he was very supportive of me and an active, hands-on father. But it got worse when we went to the lactation consultant 4 days after her birth and discovered she had lost more weight, down to 5 lbs 14 oz. Can you imagine a tiny baby losing one pound in just 4 days?!
At that point they said we needed to supplement her feedings, either with formula and/or pumped breastmilk. There were 2 big reasons for this: we needed her to gain weight, and poop. My milk had just come in that day (ok, it is a more gradual process than that), 4 days postpartum, but I was too devastated and discouraged about her weight loss, and in too much physical pain, to breastfeed. All that work I had done and pain I had suffered all week - for what?! We bought a breastpump on the way home (Medela Pump in Style Advanced is highly recommended). I have been pumping and learning how much I produce and what stimulates more milk to flow, etc. I love pumping because it does not hurt, it is much quicker and more efficient, and it frees me up for someone else to bottle feed her. We have been feeding her what I pump and then supplementing with formula. We have been determined to get as much into her as we can.
Yesterday she saw the pediatrician (love him!), and had gained back the weight, to 6 lbs 7 oz. And she is looking less yellowish and the jaundice practically seems gone by now. Hallelujah, we now have poop! And now I understand when parents get excited about their baby's poop! Today we were back to the lactation consultant and her weight was up to 6 lbs 10 oz! Go, baby, go! The lactation consultants normalized a lot of our experiences, that babies can go through sleepy phases and alert phases, which can be very confusing for parents. I recommend using their services.
My weight went from 195 lbs at my most pregnant, down to 172 lbs a week later. The swelling in feet and ankles continues postpartum. My baby bump is shrinking into a pudgy belly, it surprised me how fast it shrank. It surprised DH that the bump stayed. He thought I would immediately be back to my prepregnancy figure once the baby came out. They say when you breastfeed, your uterus cramps to shrink back to normal, but I haven't felt any cramping. A friend mentioned that after you have the baby, sometimes it still feels like there is a baby in there moving. I experienced that, and it was so strange! It wasn't my imagination, probably my uterus shrinking.
There is a very steep learning curve in parenting, it is all learn-on-the-job, as you go. So, every day gets a little better. Every day we figure out a more efficient way to do something, or improve in our comfort level with something, practice more, or get more answers. I share all this because it can be really hard, but that it does get better.
Nursery pics!
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